Isn't *what* total crap? PostgreSQL has had auto-vacuum for a loooong time now. So, for a typical read-heavy database load, you don't even have to think about vacuuming. Nothing has to be done manually and there is nothing to schedule. The default settings "just work".

If you have a write-heavy database load, then you'll want to learn more about auto-vacuum, analyze, etc. and tweak settings as needed. Of course, that's also where the asynch vacuum approach really pays off. You have the freedom to tune vacuuming and related maintenance tasks to minimize their impact on real time performance.

Maybe you should take at least a cursory glance at the PostgreSQL docs before complaining about non-existent problems.